You Are Your Ass
Published by Adrie January 31st, 2007 in Funny Sex, Sex NewsPermalink to this post
As if the report on the meanings of pubic hair patterns weren’t enough; it turns out that the shape of your buttocks also somehow determines character and predicts your future.
In the case of men; a tight muscular ass means: strong, persistent and enduring in bed. Yes please!! Also, men with hairy butts are kind, agreeable, but have a predisposition to illness of the pelvic organs! Crap—as if having a hairy ass weren’t bad enough!!
Speaking of hairy butts; parents with hairy bums are more likely to have kids who are psychologically unbalanced and short tempered! Looking back at past boyfriends it’s clear that there are a lot of hairy parents out there!!
If you have asymmetrical wrinkles under your buttocks, you are likely to be selfish and greedy. Red ass hair reveals a depraved nature and grey hair—sorry guys—is a sign of premature impotence.
As for women, the list of characteristics is immense including: women with a larger left buttock should get married as quickly as possible (no, not cuz’ nobody wants her lopsided ass!!) because it is unhealthy for this type to stay single—though the report doesn’t state why. Gals whose buttocks are saggy and square shaped are your best bet for a wife as they are kind, great wives and careful mothers—good reasons to overlook the hideous posterior!
So spread em’ and have a peek for a glimpse of your destiny, and who knows; you may find that you’re one of the lucky ones with a birthmark between your cheeks who has many years of great sex to look forward to!
…hey, maybe the reason saggy assed women make the best wives is because if you actually marry them they will never leave you and will always work to keep you happy, they might never find any one ever again who is willing to marry them even when their backsides sag…wow, I’m a huge snob, I can feel my currently tight ass sagging a little further with every keystroke, God is punishing me because I’m evil!!!
Keep up the awesome stories, love reading your stuff.
n.
I am grateful for alot of things in my life, but having a “man” lower himself to stay with me and my saggy ass is not one of them. Having run the gamut of ass sizes, from small and tight to huge and “saggy”, i don’t believe this theory applies to me. I’ve met alot of jerks over the years and ass sizes, and one thing i’ve learned is i would rather be alone than be with some guy because HE thinks i couldn’t do any better, so he’s free to treat me like i am beneath him. In fact, as my ass size grows i believe it must give me a stronger backbone (and less patience and tolerance for selfish male behaviour). I wonder if the women in that survey started off with saggy asses, or if they got that way from putting so much time into their families that they neglected themselves? Or maybe they are bored and depressed because of the “man” they are with ?